Sunday, August 19, 2012
The circle of LIES ends with PAIN
So I woke up this morning to pretty much the same BS. Him saying he was sorry for making me feel pain. Us saying we were through, and about 2 hours worth of silence. I went for a drive to cry and attempt to clear my head; which never really works. I return to my house to lay down and he shows up. He has a bag to collect his "stuff" and gives me back my keys. In the process of filling up his bag, we go through the ususal "do you want it to be over?", "tell me to my face", "he really loves me and wants to work it out", "just because he cheats doesn't mean he doesn't love me or want me, its just what he does"... blah blah blah At this point I'm crying my eyes out because I'm in so much pain. Can't believe I love this man. A man who can do this repeatedly, and it's only because I allow him too. Not sure what is that tells me to keep letting men cheat on me. Not sure if it's my lost father, no siblings, single mom who hustled for everything, or my weak and insecure nature. He once called me a weak, insecure bitch. It hurt like hell that he saw me like that. Other people see me as so many other things, he makes me believe I'm weak.